I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
