Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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