he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
