There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
