Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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