We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
