My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
