Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
