i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
