i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize