So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize