My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
