I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
