its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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