I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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