don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
