I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
