Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
