he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
