He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
