Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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