I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
