So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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