If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She needs sedatives and a leash
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
