I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
