Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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