Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
