thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
