My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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