it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
