Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
