Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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