Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
