She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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