and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
