Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize