end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
