twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
