Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
pray to the hookup gods
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
