My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I love you. Go after that dick
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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