Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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