Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
why is half of my head shaved?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize