She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
