So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
