Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
