I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
