what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
