I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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