She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
