Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
All the doctor said was why
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
