): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
