so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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