You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sext me about skeletons
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize