did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
