walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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