We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
