I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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