People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
