Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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