Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
