Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
my poor anus
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
