All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
