Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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