I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
