youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
