On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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