I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
