HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
