I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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