We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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