I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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