Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
