He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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