On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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