people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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