I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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