How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize