she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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