I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
