Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize