i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
