She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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